Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm not sure I'm ready to start a third year of teaching. Correction: I know I'm not ready to start a third year of teaching. I'm getting pretty discouraged by the outlook for music in public schools. I will honestly be surprised if it isn't completely pushed out by other "curriculum" within 10 years. Maybe it's just the school where I work. It's exhausting to fight really hard for something that no one else seems to value. (Students included.) Anywho.
The first day of school. When you're a kid, it's exciting! You get a new teacher! You have new clothes to put on. Pristine white sneakers to set out the night before. You have new school supplies - new pencils, notebooks, binders, just waiting to be filled with notes. You get to see kids you haven't seen all summer. You get to go to class and hope the cute boy is there! You get to tackle new subjects and sometimes go to new places. If you went to CHS, you actually look forward to school lunch. School is pretty dang exciting. In fact, you can't sleep the night before because it's that exciting.
Even in college, I would get excited about the new teachers I would meet, and the new subjects I would learn. I would scope out little study corners in the buildings where I had class. I would strategically map out the fastest routes to and from my classes, and hide out in the Snow Building for hours on end practicing, and avoiding practicing. I admit that I can't immediately recall a lot of the information that I learned, but I know that (most of it) I loved learning! I even liked my night classes. I got to take photography, and horseback riding, and astronomy. And while there were countless nights where sleep became more of a nap, I loved going to class. (Except Math in the Real World. Which was the only class I ever skipped. Multiple times. But all of my other classes...) I was good at it! I wish I could make a career out of being a student. Well, I guess I could, but it wouldn't pay very well.
You would think that being a teacher would provide some of that excitement. And it does to a very small extent. Every once in a while, a pep assembly, or a performance, or a conversation will make me really happy to be a teacher. But most of the time, I just wish I could teach kids that want to be taught. It is emotionally and physically draining to stand in front of a class and try to get them to care. And I'm a music teacher! I can't imagine what it would be like for a math teacher. But kids will be required to take math from now until forever. If they don't care about learning music, it simply won't be offered.
I have a stack of syllabi (that's a stupid plural) on my desk, waiting for new students. I have uniforms cleaned, relabeled and packed away in garment bags, waiting to be worn for that first field show. (AHHHH!) I have a brand new ukulele waiting to be played for two brand new ukulele classes! (AHHHH!)
I don't have new clothes or new shoes to wear. I don't really have any new school supplies. I get my class lists and kind of hope certain kids aren't on them. I won't be able to sleep tonight, but that will be from stress, not excitement. And instead of laying out my clothes and flipping through an unmarked calendar, packing my cute little backpack, and dreaming of the possibilities like a night-before-the-first-day-of-school student, I'm blogging like a cowardly night-before-the-first-day-of-school teacher. Wish me luck!
Tomorrow, Charlie watches me go to school for another year. And if I ever get to stay home with Charlie, it will be just in time for me to watch him go to school.
